well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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