i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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