i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
