it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
