ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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