I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm passing your future prison.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
