Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
