Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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