so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
