She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
