New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
