I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They took my balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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