is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
