Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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