You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
