...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
