i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
