I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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