I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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