worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
