can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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