Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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