I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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