my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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