he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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