if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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