I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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