i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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