i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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