my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
