If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
