Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
