can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
