Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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