sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Enjoy the penises
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
