Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
