I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
