and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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