My balls are so social today.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
