I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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