I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
