Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My dick has a subreddit
Everclear isn't food dammit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
