i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
