She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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