we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
