I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
