Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
