some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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