This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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