He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
