Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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