i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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