so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
