billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
