i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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