I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
