Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
