We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
