you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
