she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize