Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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