i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
