I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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