I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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