so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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