he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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