He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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