Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
