i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
