I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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