meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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