what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Two words: blizzard sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize