Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize